Moved by generosity

Earlier this week, I actually wrote several posts on our story coming to Texas, but something happened today that I just couldn't resist sharing.

As I announced in my first post, we are on the journey becoming a foster to adopt family. We have been working on our 40 hours of classes in July. It's made for a chaotic schedule and was only something we could accomplish by all the generous friends and church family who have been providing childcare twice a week for our children, supporting us through prayer, encouraging words, etc.

Adopting from the foster care system is "virtually" free but there are many misc costs you encounter along the way. FBI fingerprinting at $100, fire extinguishers $100, medical lockboxes, crib, dresser, car seat (if you don't have those), small CPR costs, city permits and inspections, and other home changes.

We needed to get Cora a twin bed and dresser to free up the crib and her current dresser before home study, which is just around the corner. We just couldn't justify buying new right now with so much going on. I searched online garage sale sites for weeks to no avail. I went to 5 thrift and consignment stores today and came home frustrated and discouraged.

Immediately after returning home, I got a text from my friend Tara who said she found a beautiful bed that a lady hadn't even officially posted yet and I was second "in line." The lady in front of me passed and now the bed was mine! It was just the kind I had wanted! But I still needed a dresser and this bed was cream-- a little difficult to match.

Suddenly, I remembered I had seen a white or cream dresser last week on Varage Sale and had even inquired about it, but Ben said to wait for a matching set. I scrolled to find the post again and my mouth dropped. The dresser was in the exact same set as the bed I was buying! Same design, same color, and brand. Unbelievable, right? Two pieces of furniture from different people that matched. Plus, the set is still available on the furniture store's website so we can likely purchase our next daughter a matching bed later.

Ben and I set out tonight on our date to retrieve the items (yep, we have pretty exciting date nights picking up stuff I've bought online!! He loves me!). On the way, I got a text from the lady selling the bed saying God had told her she was to just give me the bed. She knew it was for my biological daughter but I had mentioned we needed it ASAP to have the crib available for fostering. She absolutely insisted on not taking anything. This lady said she had just read an article yesterday about partnering with people who are fostering or adopting.  Since her family cannot make that commitment, she wanted to help us. When we picked it up, she told me how she had been meaning to sell this bed for weeks and had never gotten around to it. Then today, she just happened to post a comment to someone looking for a twin bed. She said she believed this entire thing- especially us finding the matching piece somewhere else- was a total "God thing." We have no doubt.

I'm just blown away that God would be so faithful to provide these things we need at just the right time. He even went the extra mile on the details. It's another small but constant reminder that God is over this situation. We are praying for our child or children who will come through our home or come to live forever. Will you join us?

And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? Matthew 6:30

Resurrection: 6 Years Later

With the encouragement and prodding of some great friends, I've decided to start blogging (again). Not even knowing where to start, I sat down this afternoon to pick a blog site and begin writing and then realized I started a blog 6 years ago when my oldest was just a baby! Well...

Obviously I didn't stick with it for long and I can't even make any guarantees now, but I am going to be posting for a little while. Why? Because, well, a lot has happened in the past 6 years. I feel led to share some of our experiences and how God has been and is currently working through them. Maybe my story will have no similarities to yours at all. But maybe, just maybe, you resonate with some part of our journey and if my testimony could encourage just one person to remain joyful/know they're not alone/be hopeful etc., it would be worth it.



So, who am I--now?

I'm a wife. I'm a daughter. I'm a sister (and half-sister and step-sister). I'm a mother to 3 young children. I'm a former public school teacher which will forever be in my heart. I'm currently a homeschool mom.

I'm a stay at home mom. I'm a teacher trainer. I'm a part-time pastor and work for our church from home. I'm a small group leader.

I have endured repeated illnesses and recurrent miscarriages. I live with several types of PI, or Primary Immunodeficiency, which is a chronic and life-long condition. One of my children also has a type of PI. I am becoming a foster mom. Our heart's desire is to give a child in the foster care system a forever home and we are currently in the process of becoming a licensed foster to adopt family.



At times, all of these pieces of my life have seemed to overtake my "identity." And true, they're all important pieces of my life--whether good or bad. But are these aspects really who I am?

God says I'm a lot more than any of these things or even the sum of these things. My true identity is found in Him alone. A lot more on this later.

In the next post, I'll start where every good story (okay or even every mediocre story) begins... at the beginning.

A Journey in Jonah

This week, I've been reading the small book of Jonah. It's one of those stories that you've maybe read a million times (or at least heard about a million times), but I read it with fresh eyes this week. Here's Jonah--this man on a mission from God. He's supposed to go bring a message to the people of Nineveh, but instead he thinks he can run away from the Lord. God sure gets his attention--he's cast off a ship for dead by his shipmates, and God has him swallowed in the belly of a large fish.

Jonah gets a major wake-up call:

"You hurled me into the deep,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirrled around me;
all your waves and breakers swept over me..." (Jonah 2:3)

"But you brought my life up from the pit, O Lord my God. When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, Lord,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple." (Jonah 2:7)

Jonah realizes "salvation comes from the Lord" (2:8) and that salvation goes for ALL people--all nationalities, all ethnicities, everyone who calls on the name of the Lord.

So then Jonah's faithful to do what God sent him to do. He travels to the wicked city of Nineveh, full of idol worship and violence, and preaches God's messages. And the people respond!! They grieve their behavior, they turn from their wicked ways--even the king declares a revival! It seems that Nineveh (at least for the next 150 years my Bible says) turns from its wicked ways.

Shouldn't Jonah be overjoyed that the people have received God's message with such intensity and responded with such repentence??

Well, he's not. The Bible says Jonah was "greatly displeased and became angry" (Jonah 4:1). He even decides he'd rather die than see the Ninvevites live. And you think--how selfish!! But, have you ever prayed for someone living a very sinful life, and then they come to know the Lord and experience God's grace and compassion and blessings, and then you feel like, "Well they don't DESERVE that! Look how they've lived. I've never done anything like that...why does God forgive them? How can God forgive them?"

I'll be transparent--I have. In the rest of the book of Jonah, God teaches Jonah a lesson about how his grace and salvation is for ALL people who will accept him and repent, even the most sinful. How selfish of me to ever think or feel that not everyone deserves God's love and compassion! How am I any better than the next person? God says, ALL sin is the same.

In fact, God says,
"But where sin increased, grace increased all the more." (Romans 5:20).

It's reassuring though that no matter what you've done, God wipes out all sin--completely forgiving and forgetting it all--when you accept his salvation and turn from it. Lord, keep me humble enough to remember that your grace has saved me and I was and am a sinner--no better or worse than any murderer, thief, or felon.

Trust

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

Boy, have I been chewing on that verse lately!! So I'll share some of what's been going on. First, I had the unexpected blessing of being able to fly out to Kansas to see my family. My mom graciously bought me a ticket so Eli could meet family he hasn't met yet. Although there were a few incidents during the trip that should not have happened, but did, overall we had a fabulous time and it was a blessing to be able to see family.

Right after leaving Kansas, my aunt, uncle, and 3 cousins came to stay with us for a few days and that was also a blessing!! Our family rarely gets to visit us, so it's a big deal when they are able to come. Besides my aunt, no one else had been to Houston before so we had fun showing them around.

As some of you know, I have really been praying for a job promotion and something different for the past year. I interviewed for and was offered a couple different opportunities in Pearland and Alvin, but for one reason or another, none of them seemed right. I kept holding out for one particular position which I just KNEW God had for me. I ended up getting an interview for that position, and felt great about how it went. But, in the end, I wasn't offered the job. I was crushed. God, what are you doing?? This was what you have for me, right? That's why I turned down all the other opportunities!

But, I kept turning back to that verse--trust in the LORD, not in my own understanding. This position seemed perfect for me. I really thought that's what I was called to do. But obviously God had bigger plans.

Therefore, I determined to stay put at my current school. I am happy and comfortable there, and I figured God might have something in store the following year. Well last week, I got an email from the director of curriculum in my district asking me if I'd be interested in interviewing for a literacy promotion!! This was a completely awesome opportunity because a) It's at one of only 3 primary K-2nd campuses left in the district, which is where I want to focus; b) I'd still get my summers off unlike the job I didn't get; c) it's a bit of a raise; d) it's at a campus that has probably the best reputation in the district as far as happy teachers...no one EVER seems to leave; and e) It's what I want to do--be a literacy coach!

I can't go into the details about it all, but God definitely orchestrated the entire deal! I was offered the job, and was actually quite surprised because they could have given it to other very deserving people with more experience than me. My new principal seems wonderful. It's just one of those things that you're like, "Wow! God, you really did have something better for me!!" I felt bad for ever being upset about the other opportunity I didn't get.

Thank you, Lord, for a wonderful new opportunity. I'm going to need a lot of strength and prayer, as it's going to be a tough transition but just wanted to share all the blessings coming our way.

Not Giving Up

Last night, I got some really bad news. The kind of news that makes you sick to your stomach, makes you lose hope when you thought things were getting better, the kind that makes you filled with fear and worry. But ultimately, it's the kind that makes you feel like giving up praying for someone because it doesn't seem to be working. They continue to make the same poor choices over and over, adding new bad choices in the mix.

When morning comes, it's a lot easier to think more clearly. I don't want to give up on this individual. But, what do you do when someone does not listen? What if they don't want to change? If only they could see how their sin affects everyone around them...If only they could see how much pain and suffering they've caused by their choices. I know in my heart that the power of God can transform anyone. What to do with someone who knows in their heart they need to change, but won't make the right choices to make it happen or let God be in full control?

I can only take so much hurt and pain before I begin to crumple. I cry out, I've been through enough with this situation, God. The only thing God's spoken to me is that just as this situation grieves my heart, God's heart is equally grieved every time one of his children steps out of alignment with Him. It's a sad reminder of the consequences of sin.

Anyone have a Scripture of encouragement about not giving up praying for someone?

Favorite Psalm

My friend Corrie was challenging us to write or discuss our favorite Psalm. It's so hard to pick a favorite because the Psalms are probably one of my favorite books to read...but for right now, I think it's Psalm 84. I think I'll post parts here with comments...

"How lovely is your dwelling place,
O Lord Almighty!
My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and my flesh cry out or the living God." (vs. 1-2)

I remember Pastor Cecil preaching on this passage a while back. It was written by the sons of Korah. They were a branch of Levites who King David appointed to serve in the temple worship. What an awesome responsibility!! Unfortunately, later on, they grew discontent with their situation and got into an argument with Moses (Numbers 16:1-33). Basically, they had one of the BEST positions and they got greedy and wanted to obtain the priesthood as well. They challenged Moses' authority. Well, guess what happened? It didn't end well, friends!

Number 16:32 "And the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them, with their households and all Korah's men and all their possessions. They went down alive into the grave, with everything they owned; the earth closed over them, and they perished and were gone forever."

Ouch. This passage always reminds me to enjoy God's favor and responsibility with humility and thankfulness. Greed and discontent always lead to misery, even if the earth may not swallow you whole.

Moving on... vs. 5-7
"Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage,
As they pass through the Valley of Baca, (*this literally meant the Place of Sorrow or Valley of Weeping)
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools (or blessings)
They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion."

I want to be the type of person who is able to pass through the Valley of Sorrow and overcome. I want to move from strength to strength, not stopping to wallow in self-pity or hardship. I remember Beth Moore saying one time that you can either be tested in the fire or refined through the fire. Sometimes you have to pass through to get to the other side...but you have to KEEP GOING and don't stop in the valley.

This is probably one of my biggest struggles in my daily walk. I'm a dweller. When something bad happens, I dwell on it instead of moving through the valley and going from strength to strength. I have a hard time turning situations over to God and allowing Him to be in charge--too much of a control freak I guess.

Even this week, something disappointing and disheartening happened to me. I told myself in my mind, "I'm not going to let this get me down." But my mind raced all night long, and I continued to dwell on my disappointment for an entire day before FINALLY I realized it's out of my hands. In God's wisdom, He has caused this to happen. Perhaps I heard his voice wrong? Perhaps He has a different plan. Perhaps this is a test of my faith. I don't always understand why things happen the way they do, but I have to trust that God knows my tomorrow a lot better than I do. He's always been faithful, and I have no doubt He will continue to be.

Anyone else have any experiences about moving from strength to strength? Any other struggling valley dwellers out there?

Desires of your heart

Today I found an old notebook I used to write church notes in. I guess I misplaced it for awhile, and started a new one. I was rereading an entry I wrote nearly a year and a half ago in October of 2007 at a LifePointe ladies retreat. I was reflecting on the weekend, and I remember I had been praying very hard for the restoration/salvation for several family members and close friends. I was really at the point where I also wanted a family, but knew it was not yet God's timing. I felt frustrated with my current state of balancing my education (Master's program) with full-time work and Ben's busy schedule. Here's part of what I wrote:

"God, I thank you for speaking truth to my heart this weekend. I thank you for assurance that you will bring these individuals to a place of remembrance, a place where they must decide which way to go. I pray this season will pass quickly, and each of these individuals will be restored unto you in a powerful way. Please do not allow me to carry burdens I am not meant to carry any longer. I release them unto you, and you alone.

Lord, I know you are calling me to faithfulness in the few things you have entrusted to me before I can walk into the next step of my purpose. Help me to be faithful in my finances, my quiet times, my current ministry and field, and my relationships. Even if I do not feel satisfied with my current situation in life, please help me to be faithful in it and enjoy the preparation you are doing in my heart for the next season ahead."

Now, nearly 1.5 years later, it is so awesome how God has orchestrated my life. God has brought so many changes to pass. First, I did see several individuals' relationships with God fully restored. I continue to pray for others. Second, I have seen God's faithfulness in our finances. We've been faithful to Him, and in return, He has continued to bless and provide for us. Third, our schedules are SOOO much better now! Ben has completed the most difficult portions of his PhD program and now has a fairly flexible schedule. I finished my Master's degree last August, which makes "just teaching" so much easier (but never an easy job!).

Finally, God has granted one of the greatest, longest desires of my heart by blessing us with a wonderful, healthy baby boy--Elliott. Growing up, I could not wait to get married and start a family. Although I did not expect to get married so young and have to wait for several years before having children, I now realize that God's timing was absolutely perfect. I believe God has done an amazing work in me already (that will likely be another blog post!) and I'm so excited to see what He has for me next. He is so faithful.

One of my favorite verses that really sums this reflection up:

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalms 37:4)